Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The 'Science' of The Bible

Picking apart The Bible regarding factual errors, inconsistencies, and God-tolerated atrocities is so easy that it almost seems mean. Fortunately for you guys, I'm almost a mean person -- almost mean enough to write about all of the "science" God was cool enough to let us know about in his seminal work.

For starters, The Bible tells us that God created light on the first day (in his famous "Let there be light" moment). On the second and third days He dabbled in some other things rolling around in His head, and then on the fourth day He finally created the sun, stars, and moon. It's often held by scientists -- as well as the public in general -- that the sun and stars provide Earth's natural light. Not so, says The Bible; light just is, and the sun and stars are more decorative in nature. They're lights, sure, but they aren't the lights.

Also interesting is the fact that The Bible says God made the moon a "lesser light," even though the moon does not actually emit light but only reflects light from the sun. To call the moon a light is like calling a mirror a light. So, the obvious conclusion is that we've been wrong about mirrors.

The Bible then goes on to point out that we completely misunderstand the nature of stars. To the people living in Biblical times -- intellectuals compared to us -- stars were simply lights in the sky. Good ol' omniscient God also was of this opinion, as this was written in the God-inspired Bible: "And there fell a great star from heaven, burning as it were a lamp, and it fell upon the third part of the rivers, and upon the fountains of waters"(Revelation 8:10). Oops. Guess our modern astronomers kinda suck. Stars are close enough and tiny enough that they can fall from the sky onto Earth and into rivers.

But our Biblical astronomy lessons don't end there. Next up is the fact that the sky is actually a gigantic roof that separates us from the water above (what Earth actually looks like pictured at left). And when it rains, that's just holes opening up in the sky-roof (the firmament) allowing the water above us to leak out. Just further proof that our "trips" to the moon were an insidious hoax.

Now lets move on to the fact that the solar system -- nay, the entire universe -- is geocentric (revolves around the Earth) rather than heliocentric (revolves around the sun). According to the infallible Bible, "The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved." (Psalms 93:1) All of the evidence we have to the contrary is, of course, the work of Satan.

Satan also, quite obviously, planted all of the evidence we have pointing to the Earth being spherical, as The Bible very clearly states in more than a few places that the Earth is flat. Here's one of those instances: "he will assemble the scattered people of Judah from the four quarters of the earth." (Isaiah 11:12)

But enough about boring old astronomy; The Bible has plenty to say regarding other topics. For instance, did you know that all disease is demonic/Satanic in nature? Here are some examples:
  • Deaf mutes? Possessed by the devil. (Matthew 9:32 and Matthew 12:22)
  • Epilepsy? Super demon-caused. (Matthew 17:14-18)
  • Insanity? Evil spirits. Obv. (Mark 5:1-13)
Plus, medical science is entirely unnecessary considering prayer and faith are all you need to survive any hardship, including illnesses. And if your prayer and/or faith don't work, well ... God works in mysterious ways. (He works in mysterious ways quite often with adherents of Christian Science.)

God also lets us know -- via the inspired word of The Bible -- that hares eat regurgitated food (they don't), and snakes eat dirt (nope, try again), and bats are birds (is God a three-year-old?).

Anyway, I could go on endlessly, but you get the point: Science classes should use The Bible as a textbook. That's the point I was getting at, anyway. Is that what came across?

-- The Atheist Apologist --

17 comments:

  1. Hi, I'm an atheist myself, but I was raised a Christian. On the point about it saying the world is flat, in one scripture it actually does refer to the 'circle of the Earth'(in the translation I read anyway).

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  2. C'mon, Jesus even admitted that sick people need a doctor (Matthew 9:12). But he was wise and powerful enough to know that germs and viruses and genetics were not the only things causing people to go bonkers back then.

    But I am more interested in Genesis. A little language lesson:

    FIRST DAY - Genesis 1:3 "Let light ('ohr in Hebrew) come to be." 'ohr gives a sense of diffused light.

    FOURTH DAY - Genesis 1:14 "Let luminaries (ma•’ohr) come to be." ma•’ohr means 'affording light'

    MEANING? The stars (including the sun) and moon were created on the first day but because of all the clouds, an earthly observer would see only diffused light. Clear up the clouds on the fourth day and...I'm sure you get the drift.

    Just read Genesis bearing in mind that it was written for primitives AND from an earthly observer's point of view. That should be enough to clear up any queries.

    And Zach is right. Its Isaiah 40:22. Douay's Version even says "the globe of the earth." That was in the 8th century B.C.E...when did the scientists make up their minds to declare the earth round and not flat...19th century?

    And I would really have an issue with the Bible talking about the four corners of the earth if all the informed people would stop saying "The sun rises." They sacrifice accuracy even if they know its the illusion created by earth hurtling round in space BECAUSE THEY WANT TO COMMUNICATE. The Bible too, especially considering its not a science textbook.

    And did you also know that Job, nearly 3500 years, said the earth floats in space? (Job 23:7) You should read what Aristotle, and all the intellects in the following 2000 years after him taught in their science textbooks.

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